Caring: Burden or Growth?

by Dianne Taylor

A gold couch nestled in our little living room provided me with my first image of caregiving. As a child I knew this couch was special. It contained a hidden bed my mother could fold out whenever an emergency arose.

When lightning flashed off the shiny insulation of our attic bedroom, my sister’s and my frightened screams caused my mother to pull out the bed. Dad carried us downstairs and tucked us in. We felt safe and protected with my parents sleeping nearby.

Through my childhood this bed came out to hold my grandmother as she went through an extended illness, me when multiple teeth came out and I sported puffy cheeks like a chipmunk, and one of my sisters as she battled a particularly serious case of mononucleosis. Each time my mother brought comfort and care to the person on that fold-out bed.

As I grew older, I observed a wider world of caregiving. I watched my aunt and uncle care for my father’s mother until she died from heart disease. I watched my friends’ families open homes to aging parents. I saw wives care for injured husbands and one mother care for a disabled child. It never occurred to me to wonder what all this activity felt like for the caregiver—not until I unexpectedly became one myself.

My husband experienced a mysterious debilitating illness in middle age. Our routine of life came to an abrupt halt as Mark lost much of his mobility and some cognitive functions. Eventually he could no longer work and our dreams of what we thought our future might hold fell like a rock to the ground.

Just as suddenly, I entered the world of caregiving. I entered a world where routine moved into the background and the unexpected became the new normal. In this world my own work patterns forcibly changed to provide what Mark could no longer supply. My participation at church and in our social world changed as well. My plans held no guarantees. I began to learn how God’s presence was the strongest truth I could hold to, to get through each day.

Mark and I are not unique in this experience which led me to write Caregiving: A Path Toward God. All around the world life changes for people as accidents occur, wars are fought, and illnesses strike. Caregivers arise and face challenges beyond what they may have imagined.

In working on Caregiving I sought to understand caregiving from a biblical perspective and to find hope in a role that often includes chaos. I started with two basic truths:

1. God calls me to care for my husband and one of my sisters, since my parents’ sudden deaths a few years ago.
2. God promises to equip his children for what they experience in life, both the heartaches and joy.

I then sought to understand how God teaches us to respond when forced into this type of role. I also explored how pastors and spiritual leaders can contribute, as they often take on caring for caregivers.

My writing journey led me to look at dynamics shared by most caregivers:

1. How to manage new circumstances when God changes the paths we think we will travel in life. I soon recognized how these difficult twists in the road brought Mark and me to experience blessings and relationships we might never have known.
2. How to refresh relationships that take on different dynamics when a person becomes ill or survives an accident. I learned how losses can potentially bring a new sense of connection with some creative fine tuning.
3. Dealing with burnout but taking advantage of our never-interrupted ability to talk with our heavenly Father through our most trying moments. I began looking for realistic ways to gain refreshment and practiced leaning heavily on my relationship with the Lord through prayer. I find this path leads to growth of hope.

My mother made her caregiving actions look effortless. Yet looking back I see her frequent moments of prayer and the help she often received from friends and family. I’m sure there were many moments when she and my father found strength in each other.

Life can bring change to any of our worlds in a single moment. Caregiving: A Path Toward God seeks to understand how to face the change. Will we follow a path toward God or shut him out? Join me on this journey as you face your own challenges. I pray for all of us that God would continue to grow our hearts. I pray pastors and spiritual leaders will seek to serve those caring for others following biblical teaching. I pray we walk the paths God prepared for us in a way that leads us to serve him and know him more fully.